January 2009
fuck. i just want to die.
‘tang ina, please.
i can’t take any more of this. please LEAVE ME ALONE.
why?
on my problem with "my" religion.
the term God-fearing. why—in order to be a good person—do you have to fear the one who is supposed to love you the most?
there are just too many things i can’t deal with and accept.
how can i accept myself when the one person above all others keeps telling me that i’m not good enough?
thank you.
i will never strive to be like you.
it's such a bad feeling.
why must all my worries flood in the moment i wake up?
can’t i just get some peace?
and then all of this will cease to exist.
sometimes i decide to just go to bed not because i want to quiet the thoughts rioting in my head. it’s because the weight on my shoulders gets so heavy i can’t even sit up anymore.
why does it have to be so hard?
i want to go home.
at least it’d be an excuse.
how can i not?
hold on or let go?
just now i was tumblr surfing and reading a post that was asking “hold on or let go?” and in my head i started asking myself that question.
at that very moment Lifeboats by Snow Patrol started playing
singing
hold on, hold on
so i think i have my answer.
“Someday, somewhere — anywhere, unfailingly, you’ll find yourself, and that, and...”
– Pablo Neruda (via thoughtsdetained) (via thiswillhurt)
i don’t know. it just hurts.
when it comes down to it.
i’ll always end up alone in a crowded room
always.
i guess that’s just how it is.
and why have i still not accepted that?
“And when the universe has finished exploding all the stars will slow down, like...”
– The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night Time by Mark Haddon (via aodouls) (via breathsoftruth) (via headlights)
pretty it up for you.
is what i won’t do. right now.
safdaskelhfaskulvnaseuifgahw;fhas sahfuasekhcnkuhfgaus3kyh82whwfkalh;fhsaig73 fi3harskj dfahi3tnuks3yoq2384yu5398tguhkdfshadasjl3y5qiwhlkqut4rlakfjgulask.dyaeiahnkfeaa
this is the language of my heart.
that's the end of it.
and one by one i watched every constellation die.
i'll keep that in mind.
me: but no i'm serious.
me: really
me: if i explained everything
me: chaos talaga grabe
me: haha
him: pabayaan mo na lang
him: tas isa isahin mo
him: kase pag inisip mo sabay sabay. parang ikaw yung monster tapus ang kalaban mo eh yung power rangers na combined na
translated:
me: but no i'm serious.
me: really
me: if i explained everything
me: it really is chaos, i mean it
me: haha
him: nevermind it
him: take it one at a time
him: because if you take it all in at once. it'd be like you're the monster going against the power rangers when they're combined.
Mark Ronson feat. Lily Allen - Oh My God
love it...
of course i don't mind.
it’s not like i have a right to anyway.
right?
what that really means
is that it’s my fault.
it’s everyone else’s fault.
it can't be up to me.
i can’t do this.
what happens
when there’s no one else to turn to?
i don't know.
things right now are… weird.
not good or bad necessarily.
just,
weird.
Nu Flavor - Heaven
my 11 year old self was in...
“Everything will turn out the way you want, if you stop doubting that I love you.”
– The Science of Sleep (via littlemiss)
ashes and wine.
it’s always about love, isn’t it?
it hurts so much i almost feel like throwing up.
“And sometimes hurt is not of the body.
More often it is words, or lack thereof....”
– Unknown. (via justlia)(via kari-shma) (via finallyseeing)
“We cling to music, to poems, to quotes, to writing, to art, because we...”
– (via littlemiss) (via srsly) (via breathsoftruth) (via giveme-a-reason) (via breathsoftruth)
“Don’t you understand? Even one sentence from you brings me back home again.”
– This source is a secret. (via align) (via sinkingcrowds) (via maddieness) (via breathsoftruth)
“There’s a little truth behind every just kidding, a little curiosity behind...”
– Unknown (via overflowing) (via kari-shma) (via amandasthoughts) (via amandoline) (via headlights)
windows
there are only a handful of people in this world that i can look straight in the eyes for more than a second without feeling awkward.
if you are one of them it must mean i really trust you.
and love you.